grief - it’s said there are 7 stages of this “experience”.

with the transition of my father, i experienced all of them within a matter of two hours - after receiving the “call”.

innately, i knew that year was going to be the last father’s day. by september of 2023, i knew he would be returning to essence, soon.

after i received the call, i felt myself about to faint, thankfully, i wasn’t home alone. i was actually in the middle of the street and i screamed for someone to help me. two angels appeared and took me in, literally, for shelter.

i will never forget them.

the shock - because my dad wasn’t “sick”. my mom on the other hand was. for 9 years she experienced “cancer”. 

we knew at some point that she would transition due to the chemo effects and the disease.

nothing prepares you for the “death” of a parent or anyone for that matter.

i remember being in the airplane thinking about her and the feelings i was experiencing. i felt that if i wasn’t sad, then, that meant i was forgetting her and moving on.

Spirit told me, there was no way i could “move on” from her. she’s within me, it was a matter of moving forward. she will always be with me. during that plane ride, i was able to exhale deeper. i made a choice to move forward, whatever that meant and not to stay in one place of sadness. i felt whatever came up and moved through it.

with my dad, because of the shock, my experience was a little different. i was angry, distraught, overwhelmed and in disbelief.

how could my superhero be gone? the strongest man i knew wasn’t in california watching his shows or listening to his music anymore.

after the first two weeks, one day i was laying in my bed crying. it literally felt like i was drowning in quicksand. my heart was broken (i had to go to the er twice for chest pains).

as i laid there, i told Spirit, “i don’t want to feel like this. i don’t want to be drowning and feeling helpless. in that moment, i decided, i was going to celebrate my dad and his life. he did and accomplished everything he wanted to do, it was time i did the same.

my heart was broken wide open. i was going to love myself through this unimaginable pain i was experiencing and, i remembered what i learned through my process with my mom.

i also had a friend, Kelly Taylor send me her grief journal. she is a grief counselor who assists people through the grief process. she’s a life saver. 

join me and Kelly as we talk about grief, how to move through it and how it’s a process in living a better life - on the conversation peace